my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
