Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize