Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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