so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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