I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
