one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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