who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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