So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
