the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
