Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
