We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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