Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
