I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think my fart just growled at me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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