South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
