Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
