Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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