i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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