sorry about calling you the devil all night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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