I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
