I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
