after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize