just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
