Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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