Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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