Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
