i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize