pop tarts are not kleenex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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