I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This house was built for laser tag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
