I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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