Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
