Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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