She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
