Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
