Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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