8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
