he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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