K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
