Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
