sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
