Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
