she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
