I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
