Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
