I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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