I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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