it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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