I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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