she looked like the bat from fern gully.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
