You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize