I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she peed on how many people?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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