Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
