apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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