He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
