That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
