it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
