ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Bring me that man meat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
