If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
