She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
