so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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