1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize