My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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