DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
porn star boner night. come get it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
