God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
