There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
