I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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