Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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