I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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