they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
