I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
