I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
