there was a trapeze. enough said
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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