Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Welp...herpes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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