I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
