I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
