remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize