If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
