Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
