i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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