Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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