the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
