why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
