where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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