What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
