Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Panties = found
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
