did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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