the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
